This Post is Unhelpful

Lately, I’ve had no answers to anything. From small questions I have about how to fix my computer to bigger ones about problems in my personal life, I’ve had no major brainwaves or light bulb moments.

This way of thinking has made writing blog posts a lot more challenging than usual. I feel like whatever I write is going to turn out to be unhelpful and overly pessimistic. One of the main points of this blog is to help people, so I don’t want to write loads of posts that are like that. At the same time though, I want my posts to tell the truth, so writing anything with advice feels dishonest to me when I’m feeling so rubbish about life right now.

I usually feel like the things I write have to have some sort of moral at the end of them. This is hilarious seeing as I know NOTHING about life, but I guess it’s just my style. At the moment though, I have no morals or helpful things to say. I’m wondering whether I should start writing about things without resolving them at the end. I want to do this without looking like I’m constantly moaning about my life and being really negative, but can I?

That’s all I’ve got for today. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites


My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

 

Stop Slut-Shaming

I used to slut shame people all the time. If I saw a girl in a short skirt, I’d call her a ‘slag’ because she was obviously just trying to draw attention to herself, right? She needed to have some self-respect and behave more like me.

I learned the meaning of the word ‘slut’ in year seven. Luckily, from an early age, I knew the importance of women dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, and absolutely not having too much s-e-x! Obviously, I could never be friends with someone I considered ‘slutty,’ because otherwise I’d be associated with ‘those types of girls’ – and I was way better than them.

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One fateful day, however, I watched a video that completely blew my mind. The video was called ‘she’s such a SLUT’ by the YouTuber Laci Green. For the first time in my life, Laci made me question why people called girls sluts and whether there was actually anything wrong with women having lots of sex. She also pointed out that males didn’t get slut shamed. Instead, they were championed for having sex by getting called names like a ‘player’ or ‘a guy with game’ (which wasn’t necessarily helpful for them either). I’ve linked her video at the bottom of this post if you want to watch it.

I realised that as long as sex was safe and consensual, there was nothing wrong with having it! Or not having it! Or having it upside-down! (You get the idea).This judgemental label that I’d been using for years was actually a misogynistic double-standard that made no sense. At the end of the day, other people’s sex lives (or lack thereof) were none of my business. This meant I never had to worry about the length of anybody’s skirt, the amount of cleavage they showed, or how often they bonked again! What a weight off my chest.

A while later, I also learned about something called ‘prude shaming’ and how it could be just as damaging as slut-shaming. It all came back to the idea of not judging people for their personal sex lives and minding my own business. That seemed easy enough to me.

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Slut-shaming is very harmful and needs to end. It may seem trivial to merely call someone names now, but shaming people for their sex lives can lead to very serious consequences in the future. These can include bullying, rape victim-blaming and even suicide. I may write a more detailed post or make a video about these consequences in the future because I think they warrant their own space to be discussed.

I’m so glad that people on the internet helped me to change my perspective on slut and prude shaming. Shout out to Laci for introducing me to the concept in the first place. Whatever gender you identify as, you should be able to have as much or as little sex as you want without people policing you for it. So as long as it’s safe and consensual sex, do whatever you want!

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites


Laci’s Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BwuASx8yT8

My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

 

Messy Room Messy Mind

(Sidenote – this turned out a lot more pretentious than I meant it to. Lol.)

My room is a mess. Books are strewn across the desk, pyjamas have taken up permanent residence on my floor, and chocolate wrappers are poking out guiltily from every corner. Crowded cups stand on my shelves, probably whispering about the state of the room and the irresponsible owner who hasn’t cleaned it yet. Exhausted-looking T-shirts lounge on my bed, showing no signs of moving to the laundry basket anytime soon. I look around the room, refusing to see that this wreck of a bedroom is actually me.

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The state of my bedroom reflects my state of mind. There’s little doubt about that. My brain becomes suffocated by possessions and struggles to spill out ideas when socks are in the way. My thoughts need a nice clear space to flow through, like water running through a tap. To me, working in a messy room is like trying to work with four screaming children running about. At the end of the day, whatever I’ve made is going to look as messy as I’ve felt.

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I need a blank canvas room. That way, I have something clean to splurge my ideas on so their colours don’t get mixed up. As long as my room stays in order while I work, I’ll get plenty done that day. Unfortunately, sometimes this is an unrealistic goal for me to set for my room. It has a tendency to misbehave just before I’m about to start working. Or maybe I have a tendency to not tidy it up…

Either way, I have always worked in this bedroom. I’ve tapped out endless different combinations of words on this very same keyboard in this very same bedroom. Maybe it’s time for a rethink? I suppose I could start writing in places outside of my house. I could start writing in libraries and coffee shops, surrounded by the buzz of other people and the vibrancy of life. Would that be too loud for me? Would it even be possible with the large clunky weight of my laptop and social anxiety?

If you write outside the house, please let me know what it’s like (especially if you have social anxiety). Do you think it’s worth a try? Do you find the world distracting or inspiring? Let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites


Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

 

Mental Health and Stigma: Shame and Therapy

It’s 2017 and there’s still so much stigma surrounding mental health. I’m not saying we’re still living in the Victorian era exactly, but lots of people just don’t take it seriously at all. Many people are ashamed of their mental illnesses or feel like they can’t talk about mental health whatsoever. It’s time to change that! I thought I’d play my part by attempting to debunk some common negative tropes associated with mental health on my blog. Today, I’m going to be touching upon the topics of shame and therapy.

[Disclaimer: I am obviously not a doctor or professional. I’m just someone who’s had experience dealing with a mental health problem and wants to make others feel less rubbish about their own]

The Shame Game

Having a mental illness isn’t your fault. No really, it isn’t your fault – I have science to back it up (science!) According to MedicineNet, ‘Although the exact cause of most mental illnesses is not known, it is becoming clear through research that (many mental illnesses) are caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors – not personal weakness or a character defect…’ The Huffington Post also has some good examples of studies done on anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses. In the same way you wouldn’t shame somebody for having a broken leg, you shouldn’t feel ashamed about having a mental health condition. If anything, you’re pretty damn strong to be dealing with it in the first place. Be proud of any steps you’ve taken towards overcoming it and improving your life in the long run.

Therapy Stigma

Depending on your situation, you may consider going to therapy to help with your mental health. Whilst therapy can work wonders for many people, lots of people are embarrassed by the prospect of going. It’s hard to blame them when there’s still so much stigma surrounding counselling (at least where I live anyway).  For many people, the things they’ve learnt about therapy have simply come from what they’ve seen in the media. Unfortunately, the media doesn’t always represent things entirely accurately. Therapy is often portrayed as useless or merely used as a punchline rather than something that could actually (gasp!) help people. What’s more, the people who go to therapy are often called names like ‘crazy’ and made to feel like they’ve ‘failed’ at life in some way. Although therapy by no means works for everybody, it makes me sad that some people who could potentially get help may feel shamed out of doing so.

Going to therapy does not make you ‘weird,’ so don’t feel ashamed about going. At the end of the day, your mental health is a lot more important than some ignorant comment someone makes about counselling, so don’t let anyone hold you back. Choosing to seek help is actually a very strong decision to make (especially when there’s so much negativity surrounding it). It means you have chosen to take a step towards dealing with your condition and giving yourself a happier life in the future. So go you!

I hope this helped some of you feel a little better. Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites xo


YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

Where Did Spring Go???

Spring is officially here. Despite the astronomical calendar telling me so, I didn’t quite believe it till I wore a coat, jumper and jeans outside and had my entire body engulfed by a damp bubble of heat. At first I was annoyed by the abrupt arrival of the season. Wasn’t it winter yesterday? Irritably, I began my heavy trudge up my hill, weighed down by the four sticky layers of clothing clinging to my body. Attractive.

Now aware of its presence, I realised I should probably start dressing for spring. When I got home, I threw on a T-shirt and shorts, relieved to shake off my stuffy jumper and feel the cold fabric against my skin. When I ventured outside again the next day, the sun was not a scorching warning on my face, but a whispered promise that life would soon be sweeter. Its rays splintered through the trees and cast patchy shadows on the ground for me to walk through. The long-forgotten buzz of grass being sliced by lawn mowers resonated through the air and reminded me how happy spring made me feel.

This morning, I bounced out of bed and flung open my curtains, expecting a golden sea of light to pour into my bedroom. Instead, I was met with a grumpy grey sky hiding behind a mass of clouds. Disappointed, I went outside to see whether I could salvage any warmth from my surroundings. My walk was okay, but it felt like somebody had turned my peppy life soundtrack off and replaced it with a melancholy guitar solo instead. The flowers were still pretty, but their colours didn’t jump out at me the way they did yesterday.

I didn’t realise how much I’d missed the warm weather until it teased me yesterday. How do I get it back? And when I do catch it, how do I make it stay? Can any of you help me with this? According to the weather forecast, it isn’t coming back any time soon. Would it be quicker to just fly to another country? Please leave me your tips and advice below, I’m desperate. Thank you.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites xo