What Not to Do During Freshers’ Week

Hey everybody,

Recently, I moved out of my parents’ house to go and live at university. I had no idea what to expect. Would I go bankrupt? Would I poison myself? Would I spontaneously combust?

Luckily, none of the above happened, but I certainly messed some things up during Freshers Week. So, without further ado, here are four mistakes I made in my first few days so you don’t have to. Enjoy!

1. Forget budgeting – I didn’t bother tracking my spending because apparently I ‘had loads of money’ and ‘couldn’t possibly go over budget.’ However, it turns out going to clubs every night gets expensive so I’d recommend checking your bank balance every day. I know this can be scary, but it’s better than waiting until the end of the week and practically fainting from shock.
2. Join everything – Look, I know extra-curricular activities are important but don’t join every society like I did. Unless you’re a superhuman, you won’t be able to commit to them all so only join societies you’re actually interested in. Basically, don’t join the diving team if you’re allergic to chlorine and have a fear of heights.
3. Be disorganised – I didn’t write anything down because I thought I’d ‘just remember everything’ and ‘couldn’t afford to buy an organiser.’ It goes without saying that this was a terrible idea and I found out the hard way. Go to WHSmith and buy a diary!
4. Ignore discounts – All my leaflets for free chicken lived on my floor for about two weeks and expired before I could use them. Make time to organise vouchers early so you can get as much free stuff as possible! Trust me, your stomach will thank you for this one.

So there you have it! I hope you managed to learn something from my mistakes. If you have any tips of your own, be sure to leave them in the comments below.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites x

---

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

This Post is Unhelpful

Lately, I’ve had no answers to anything. From small questions I have about how to fix my computer to bigger ones about problems in my personal life, I’ve had no major brainwaves or light bulb moments.

This way of thinking has made writing blog posts a lot more challenging than usual. I feel like whatever I write is going to turn out to be unhelpful and overly pessimistic. One of the main points of this blog is to help people, so I don’t want to write loads of posts that are like that. At the same time though, I want my posts to tell the truth, so writing anything with advice feels dishonest to me when I’m feeling so rubbish about life right now.

I usually feel like the things I write have to have some sort of moral at the end of them. This is hilarious seeing as I know NOTHING about life, but I guess it’s just my style. At the moment though, I have no morals or helpful things to say. I’m wondering whether I should start writing about things without resolving them at the end. I want to do this without looking like I’m constantly moaning about my life and being really negative, but can I?

That’s all I’ve got for today. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites

---

My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

 

Stop Slut-Shaming

I used to slut shame people all the time. If I saw a girl in a short skirt, I’d call her a ‘slag’ because she was obviously just trying to draw attention to herself, right? She needed to have some self-respect and behave more like me.

I learned the meaning of the word ‘slut’ in year seven. Luckily, from an early age, I knew the importance of women dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, and absolutely not having too much s-e-x! Obviously, I could never be friends with someone I considered ‘slutty,’ because otherwise I’d be associated with ‘those types of girls’ – and I was way better than them.

One fateful day, however, I watched a video that completely blew my mind. The video was called ‘she’s such a SLUT’ by the YouTuber Laci Green. For the first time in my life, Laci made me question why people called girls sluts and whether there was actually anything wrong with women having lots of sex. She also pointed out that males didn’t get slut shamed. Instead, they were championed for having sex by getting called names like a ‘player’ or ‘a guy with game’ (which wasn’t necessarily helpful for them either). I’ve linked her video at the bottom of this post if you want to watch it.

I realised that as long as sex was safe and consensual, there was nothing wrong with having it … or not having it! This judgemental label that I’d been using for years was actually a misogynistic double-standard that made no sense. At the end of the day, other people’s sex lives (or lack thereof) were none of my business. This meant I never had to worry about the length of anybody’s skirt, the amount of cleavage they showed, or how often they had sex again! What a weight off my chest.

A while later, I also learned about something called ‘prude shaming’ and how it could be just as damaging as slut-shaming. It all came back to the idea of not judging people for their personal sex lives and minding my own business. That seemed easy enough to me.

Slut-shaming is very harmful and needs to end. It may seem trivial to merely call someone names now, but shaming people for their sex lives can lead to very serious consequences in the future. These can include bullying, rape victim-blaming and even suicide. I may write a more detailed post or make a video about these consequences in the future because I think they warrant their own space to be discussed.

I’m so glad that people on the internet helped me to change my perspective on slut and prude shaming. Shout out to Laci for introducing me to the concept in the first place. Whatever gender you identify as, you should be able to have as much or as little sex as you want without people policing you for it. So as long as it’s safe and consensual sex, do whatever you want!

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites

---

Laci’s Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BwuASx8yT8

My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

Messy Room Messy Mind

(Sidenote – this turned out a lot more pretentious than I meant it to. Lol.)

My room is a mess. Books are strewn across the desk, pyjamas have taken up permanent residence on my floor, and chocolate wrappers are poking out guiltily from every corner. Crowded cups stand on my shelves, probably whispering about the state of the room and the irresponsible owner who hasn’t cleaned it yet. Exhausted-looking T-shirts lounge on my bed, showing no signs of moving to the laundry basket anytime soon. I look around the room, refusing to see that this wreck of a bedroom is actually me.

The state of my bedroom reflects my state of mind. There’s little doubt about that. My brain becomes suffocated by possessions and struggles to spill out ideas when socks are in the way. To me, working in a messy room is like trying to work with four screaming children running about. At the end of the day, whatever I’ve made is going to look as messy as I’ve felt.

I need a blank canvas room. That way, I have something clean to splurge my ideas on so their colours don’t get mixed up. As long as my room stays in order while I work, I’ll get plenty done that day. Unfortunately, sometimes this is an unrealistic goal for me to set for my room. It has a tendency to get messy just before I’m about to start working. Or maybe I have a tendency to not tidy it up…

Either way, I have always worked in this bedroom. I’ve tapped out endless different combinations of words on this very same keyboard in this very same bedroom. Maybe it’s time for a rethink? I suppose I could start writing in places outside of my house. I could start writing in libraries and coffee shops, surrounded by the buzz of other people and the vibrancy of life. Would that be too loud for me? Would it even be possible with the large clunky weight of my laptop and social anxiety?

If you write outside the house, please let me know what it’s like (especially if you have social anxiety). Do you think it’s worth a try? Do you find the world distracting or inspiring? Let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites

---

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

 

Mental Health and Stigma: Shame and Therapy

It’s 2017 and there’s still so much stigma surrounding mental health. I’m not saying we’re still living in the Victorian era exactly, but lots of people just don’t take it seriously at all. Many people are ashamed of their mental illnesses or feel like they can’t talk about mental health whatsoever. It’s time to change that! I thought I’d play my part by attempting to debunk some common negative tropes associated with mental health on my blog. Today, I’m going to be touching upon the topics of shame and therapy.

[Disclaimer: I am obviously not a doctor or professional. I’m just someone who’s had experience dealing with a mental health problem and wants to make others feel less rubbish about their own]

The Shame Game

Having a mental illness isn’t your fault. No really, it isn’t your fault – I have science to back it up (science!) According to MedicineNet, ‘Although the exact cause of most mental illnesses is not known, it is becoming clear through research that (many mental illnesses) are caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors – not personal weakness or a character defect…’ The Huffington Post also has some good examples of studies done on anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses. In the same way you wouldn’t shame somebody for having a broken leg, you shouldn’t feel ashamed about having a mental health condition. If anything, you’re pretty damn strong to be dealing with it in the first place. Be proud of any steps you’ve taken towards overcoming it and improving your life in the long run.

Therapy Stigma

Depending on your situation, you may consider going to therapy to help with your mental health. Whilst therapy can work wonders for many people, lots of people are embarrassed by the prospect of going. It’s hard to blame them when there’s still so much stigma surrounding counselling (at least where I live anyway).  For many people, the things they’ve learnt about therapy have simply come from what they’ve seen in the media. Unfortunately, the media doesn’t always represent things entirely accurately. Therapy is often portrayed as useless or merely used as a punchline rather than something that could actually (gasp!) help people. What’s more, the people who go to therapy are often called names like ‘crazy’ and made to feel like they’ve ‘failed’ at life in some way. Although therapy by no means works for everybody, it makes me sad that some people who could potentially get help may feel shamed out of doing so.

Going to therapy does not make you ‘weird,’ so don’t feel ashamed about going. At the end of the day, your mental health is a lot more important than some ignorant comment someone makes about counselling, so don’t let anyone hold you back. Choosing to seek help is actually a very strong decision to make (especially when there’s so much negativity surrounding it). It means you have chosen to take a step towards dealing with your condition and giving yourself a happier life in the future. So go you!

I hope this helped some of you feel a little better. Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites xo

---

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

Where Did Spring Go???

Spring is officially here. Despite the astronomical calendar telling me so, I didn’t quite believe it till I wore a coat, jumper and jeans outside and had my entire body engulfed by a damp bubble of heat. At first I was annoyed by the abrupt arrival of the season. Wasn’t it winter yesterday? Irritably, I began my heavy trudge up my hill, weighed down by the four sticky layers of clothing clinging to my body. Attractive.

Now aware of its presence, I realised I should probably start dressing for spring. When I got home, I threw on a T-shirt and shorts, relieved to shake off my stuffy jumper and feel the cold fabric against my skin. When I ventured outside again the next day, the sun was not a scorching warning on my face, but a whispered promise that life would soon be sweeter. Its rays splintered through the trees and cast patchy shadows on the ground for me to walk through. The long-forgotten buzz of grass being sliced by lawn mowers resonated through the air and reminded me how happy spring made me feel.

This morning, I bounced out of bed and flung open my curtains, expecting a golden sea of light to pour into my bedroom. Instead, I was met with a grumpy grey sky hiding behind a mass of clouds. Disappointed, I went outside to see whether I could salvage any warmth from my surroundings. My walk was okay, but it felt like somebody had turned my peppy life soundtrack off and replaced it with a melancholy guitar solo instead. The flowers were still pretty, but their colours didn’t jump out at me the way they did yesterday.

I didn’t realise how much I’d missed the warm weather until it teased me yesterday. How do I get it back? And when I do catch it, how do I make it stay? Can any of you help me with this? According to the weather forecast, it isn’t coming back any time soon. Would it be quicker to just fly to another country? Please leave me your tips and advice below, I’m desperate. Thank you.

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites xo

“Artsy” Video Inspired By Nature

I made an artsy video inspired by nature…Enjoy!

Check out my YouTube Channel here

‘Masculinity, Men and Feminism’

Hey everybody, just a quick post here today!

A few weeks ago whilst I was wasting my life on the internet, I watched a video from a Youtuber called Hannah Witton. Hannah makes videos on sex and relationships and this particular one was called ‘Masculinity, Men and Feminism.’ It’s quite an old video so some of you may have seen it before. Anyway, normally I consider myself to be fairly ‘woke’ when it comes to gender roles and stereotypes. Despite this, at the start of the video Hannah introduced me to an idea that I’d never really thought about before. Without quoting her word for word, Hannah said that since feminism had begun, gender roles for women had changed quite a lot. Women (at least where I live) can go to work, are sometimes seen as strong individuals, and even have places they can go to discuss gender related issues they may be struggling with. Men on the other hand appear to have been a bit left behind. Male gender roles don’t seem to have evolved in the same way female roles have. Men are still often expected to be aggressive, to suppress their emotions, to be physically strong, and to conform to many other stereotypes.

I found it rather strange that I had never thought about this before. After all, I’m the kind of person who actively spends her time trying (and often failing) to teach people about hypermasculinity and how damaging forcing gender roles on people can be. I guess I’d simply failed to look at this ‘lack of evolution’ idea in the past. Weird stuff huh?

Throughout the rest of the video, gender roles, feminism, and even some very serious issues like male abuse and rape victims are discussed. I have linked the video here as I think it is very interesting. I encourage you all to go and watch it and continue these important conversations with the people around you!

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites

---

Follow me on Twitter

This is my YouTube Channel

Do Adults Really Exist???

Technically speaking, on the 10th of August 2016 I officially became a ‘grown up.’ Being the slightly dramatic person I am, I remember the moment I entered adulthood very well as I was collapsed face down on my faded yellow carpet, wallowing over the prospect of leaving my childhood behind forever.

Now here’s the thing – as my final moments of youth slipped away and I entered the scary jaws of responsibility and existentialism, I don’t remember being given any instructions on how to proceed. I was handed no certificate of congratulations for reaching this particular milestone and I experienced no epiphany where I thought ‘I know how to adult now.’ This made me start wondering ‘what is an adult anyway?’

Yes, yes, I know technically an adult is a person aged 18 or over. But why exactly does that set number of years make somebody a responsible grown up? I’m sure there are many technical answers people could give me to that question, but I’m more interested in wondering about the following:

Will I feel like a grown up when I stop living at my parents’ house and move out? Will I feel like a grown up when I start paying my own gas and electricity bills?

What about when I go out shopping and buy my own coffee machine – will I feel like an adult then? Or maybe if I purchase some decorative towels for my bathroom some grown up feelings will start to kick in.

When I’m sixty years old and tell teenagers how different things were ‘back in my day,’ will I finally feel like a worldly all-knowing adult then? Or will I just feel old? On my 73rd birthday, will I finally be mature enough to stop needing dessert after every meal I eat? I highly doubt it.

Maybe I’ll never feel like a grown up at all. After all, somebody once told me that no adults actually exist on this planet and that everybody is just making up their lives as they go along.

So are we all just big children, walking around running companies and buying houses like we own the place? Or, when I hit 40 or 50 or some other ‘proper grown-up age,’ will I suddenly feel a different sense of adulthood to what I feel now? I guess I’ll find out when I’m 83.

Are LGBT Labels Good or Bad?

I feel like LGBT labels are seen by some as an amazing concept and by others as the worst thing in the world. Personally, I don’t feel like I’m that opinionated when it comes to labels which is surprising seeing as I’m opinionated about pretty much everything else. So naturally, rather than leaving it be, I thought I’d take a look at some of the different advantages and disadvantages of labels today. I thought it might be interesting to look at some varying viewpoints from other people. You can write your opinions in the comments and stuff and we can start a little discussion thing…if people want to 🙂
Some disadvantages of labels I’ve heard:

1. Bullying/discrimination: Some people think labels encourage bullying, discrimination, and exclusion. This can happen when people change the meaning of the word ‘gay’ to insult someone or use nasty slurs. Discrimination like this can ruin people’s lives and in extreme circumstances, even put individuals in danger.
2. We don’t need them: Lots of people think labels serve no purpose because they argue that ‘we are all human.’ They think we should be able to accept everybody for who they are without needing labels to categorise people into different groups.
3. Pressure to meet society’s expectations for labels: Some people think assigning a label to yourself pressures you to meet societal expectations, for example dressing or acting a certain way to fit a stereotype. This pressure could potentially make individuals act differently from who they really are.

Some advantages of labels I’ve heard:

1. A sense of belonging: Many people in the LGBT community know the feeling of being an outcast all too well. Some people argue labels like ‘gay’ introduce individuals to a group of people they can relate to where they can discuss any struggles they may face with others who empathise.
2. Empowerment: Lots of people argue they are proud of their identities and like being able to use LGBT labels to tell the world who they are. Labels can also lead to events like Pride being organised which benefit those within the community.
3. Labels themselves don’t cause problems, the people misusing them do: People argue words like ‘gay’ and ‘transgender’ aren’t the concern here but the people turning these well-meaning terms into harmful insults are. They argue people like this shouldn’t make us cut these words out of our vocabulary entirely.

I asked some people I know how they felt about labels and here’s what they said:

Friend 1 – ‘I think labels are good because they tell people where they stand or what they go for but they are by no means necessary. It’s okay to still be figuring things out. I think especially at uni labels aren’t the best because people are still very closed minded still and rely heavily on stereotypes in my experience which frustrates me A LOT.’

Friend 2 –  ‘I do not like the idea of labels because I feel like assigning yourself in a particular box will always cause controversy from people who may not understand what it means. I also feel like for people discovering themselves as LGBT in a traditional household may not feel as though they are comfortable ticking a certain box. For a lot of them the way they feel is a lot more than just a word, and I feel like that very label may isolate them because of the stigma related towards it whilst growing up in such households. They may think it’s a crime to act like the way they do when it is perfectly normal!’

If you have any opinions on labels, write them in the comments below as I’m sure there are many points I haven’t included in this particular post. Hope you found this interesting!

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

YouTube: goo.gl/j4OiTx