Stop Slut-Shaming

I used to slut shame people all the time. If I saw a girl in a short skirt, I’d call her a ‘slag’ because she was obviously just trying to draw attention to herself, right? She needed to have some self-respect and behave more like me.

I learned the meaning of the word ‘slut’ in year seven. Luckily, from an early age, I knew the importance of women dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, and absolutely not having too much s-e-x! Obviously, I could never be friends with someone I considered ‘slutty,’ because otherwise I’d be associated with ‘those types of girls’ – and I was way better than them.

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One fateful day, however, I watched a video that completely blew my mind. The video was called ‘she’s such a SLUT’ by the YouTuber Laci Green. For the first time in my life, Laci made me question why people called girls sluts and whether there was actually anything wrong with women having lots of sex. She also pointed out that males didn’t get slut shamed. Instead, they were championed for having sex by getting called names like a ‘player’ or ‘a guy with game’ (which wasn’t necessarily helpful for them either). I’ve linked her video at the bottom of this post if you want to watch it.

I realised that as long as sex was safe and consensual, there was nothing wrong with having it! Or not having it! Or having it upside-down! (You get the idea).This judgemental label that I’d been using for years was actually a misogynistic double-standard that made no sense. At the end of the day, other people’s sex lives (or lack thereof) were none of my business. This meant I never had to worry about the length of anybody’s skirt, the amount of cleavage they showed, or how often they bonked again! What a weight off my chest.

A while later, I also learned about something called ‘prude shaming’ and how it could be just as damaging as slut-shaming. It all came back to the idea of not judging people for their personal sex lives and minding my own business. That seemed easy enough to me.

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Slut-shaming is very harmful and needs to end. It may seem trivial to merely call someone names now, but shaming people for their sex lives can lead to very serious consequences in the future. These can include bullying, rape victim-blaming and even suicide. I may write a more detailed post or make a video about these consequences in the future because I think they warrant their own space to be discussed.

I’m so glad that people on the internet helped me to change my perspective on slut and prude shaming. Shout out to Laci for introducing me to the concept in the first place. Whatever gender you identify as, you should be able to have as much or as little sex as you want without people policing you for it. So as long as it’s safe and consensual sex, do whatever you want!

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites


Laci’s Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BwuASx8yT8

My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

 

‘Masculinity, Men and Feminism’

Hey everybody, just a quick post here today!

A few weeks ago whilst I was wasting my life on the internet, I watched a video from a Youtuber called Hannah Witton. Hannah makes videos on sex and relationships and this particular one was called ‘Masculinity, Men and Feminism.’ It’s quite an old video so some of you may have seen it before. Anyway, normally I consider myself to be fairly ‘woke’ when it comes to gender roles and stereotypes. Despite this, at the start of the video Hannah introduced me to an idea that I’d never really thought about before. Without quoting her word for word, Hannah said that since feminism had begun, gender roles for women had changed quite a lot. Women (at least where I live) can go to work, are sometimes seen as strong individuals, and even have places they can go to discuss gender related issues they may be struggling with. Men on the other hand appear to have been a bit left behind. Male gender roles don’t seem to have evolved in the same way female roles have. Men are still often expected to be aggressive, to suppress their emotions, to be physically strong, and to conform to many other stereotypes.

I found it rather strange that I had never thought about this before. After all, I’m the kind of person who actively spends her time trying (and often failing) to teach people about hypermasculinity and how damaging forcing gender roles on people can be. I guess I’d simply failed to look at this ‘lack of evolution’ idea in the past. Weird stuff huh?

Throughout the rest of the video, gender roles, feminism, and even some very serious issues like male abuse and rape victims are discussed. I have linked the video here as I think it is very interesting. I encourage you all to go and watch it and continue these important conversations with the people around you!

Thanks for reading,

ranterwrites


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My First YouTube Video! – Feminist Lenses

Hey everybody,

Today I uploaded my first ever YouTube video – how exciting! It’s a poem called ‘Feminist Lenses’ which looks at the ‘struggles’ socially aware people can face going about their day to day lives. I think this is a perspective that isn’t talked about that much so I thought it’d be interesting to write about (hopefully some of you do too!)

As you may or may not know, I am a huge supporter of feminism so this video isn’t meant to  mock feminists for being ‘oversensitive’ in any way. I think it’s extremely important to be able to recognise injustice in this world. I just wanted to show that sometimes being opinionated (for lack of a better word) can be hard work!

Please let me know if you liked this video or whether you think I should make any similar videos to this in the future! If you’re feeling extra generous, feel free to subscribe to my channel (; (only if you want to of course).

Thanks for reading/watching,

ranterwrites


Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYM8MsTt08kkwSvSKzktCg

Random Thought – Donald Trump is Rude

So as you probably know, Donald Trump held an hour and a half long press conference a couple of days ago. During the conference, Trump discussed many things ranging from himself to every paper he believes is delivering ‘fake news.’

As I watched him tell everybody he had the largest electoral college victory since Ronald Reagan, a thought dawned upon me: Donald Trump is a very rude, arrogant man (not for that false claim in particular, just in general).

Now I know what you’re thinking – ‘wow, this girl is a genius, she’s figured out that Donald Trump is rude! What a major new discovery that no one has ever thought of before!’ (sarcasm).

Yes, I know everybody already knows that Donald Trump is arrogant. I already knew Donald Trump was arrogant, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. However, whenever I’ve watched the president before, I think I’ve been too distracted by the highly questionable things he’s been saying about immigrants, women, and other marginalised groups to think much about his rudeness.

That night, I saw Donald Trump for what he was underneath all the other terrifying things he was at the surface – not very nice. I wouldn’t really care about his rudeness if his policies didn’t terrify and upset me. Unfortunately though, they do, so his personality still bothers me.

Obviously I know that the rudeness of Donald Trump doesn’t compare to the worrying policies he’s making and the impact he’s having on people’s lives. You’re probably sat there thinking: ‘this girl is ridiculous, she should be talking about the things Trump is doing, not whether he says please and thank you at the dinner table.’ And I’d totally agree with you, but it was just a random thought I had in my head.

How I felt when I didn’t protest

I hope this post doesn’t make it sound like I’m making the protest about myself. That isn’t my intention at all – obviously the protest isn’t about me. This is just how I felt yesterday on my way home.


 

I had another work experience placement in London yesterday. As you may know, yesterday was also the day of a planned protest against Donald Trump’s Muslim ban in the US. The protest was an extremely convenient ten minute tube journey from my office. Like many others, I despise Trump along with every single policy he’s implemented so far. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how inhumane the Muslim ban is (I hope not anyway). I was desperate to attend this protest.

I had heard there was possibly going to be another march against the Muslim ban the following Saturday during the day. However, I wasn’t convinced this protest would actually end up happening. I hadn’t seen anybody saying they were going and couldn’t find anything when I searched around the internet. I hadn’t gone to the previous Women’s March on London either due to having no time to organise going with friends (I knew my parents wouldn’t want me going alone). Admittedly I’d just started a new work placement that week, but I still mentally kicked myself for not simply making time for something I cared about so much.

The protest yesterday ended late and it was dark and I was by myself. This had caused me to put off asking my parents whether I could go or not as I had a pretty good idea what their answer would be. I held off asking my mum until half an hour before my work placement ended. Once I’d finally psyched myself up enough, I sent her a text.

Now the thing is… I know my mum very well, so I was able to predict her response almost word for word. My mum didn’t tell me I couldn’t go because apparently she couldn’t technically stop me (she probably could though to be honest). She did tell me she’d be extremely worried about me and begged me not to go. I am in no way blaming my mum for this. She said those things because she cares about me and her concerns were legitimate.

So… I didn’t go. I felt too guilty (about worrying her so much). But I felt just as guilty about not going at the same time. I was angry and upset and a nasty lump appeared in my throat at the thought that I would be doing nothing to help that night. I called my boyfriend and tried communicating to him via a series of incoherent wails. How could I be ten minutes away from the protest and not even go? Ten minutes away when others had travelled miles to get there. I had to hang up the phone as I went through to the Underground.

I got very emotional. I felt like every cell in my body was telling me to just ignore my parents’ fears and go. I felt like I was betraying everything I’d ever written about or argued against. I got on the tube and tried not to cry. I felt like a bystander and a waste of space. I was present during an awful time in modern history and all I could do was go home for dinner when people needed help. I felt like I didn’t even care at all. Why hadn’t I just gone? Why couldn’t I actually do something? Why did I care so much about worrying my parents?

After an incredibly dramatic and probably self-pitying journey, I got home to find out the protest on Saturday was actually happening after all. The protest this weekend is during the day so my boyfriend and I will be going together. My parents will be a lot less worried under these safer circumstances. I’m not entirely sure what the point of this post is to be honest… I guess I got reminded BIG-TIME of the importance of actually doing something and fighting for what you believe in. I realised how distressing it felt to be an onlooker.

To everybody who went to or supported a protest yesterday – you’re amazing, please keep fighting because we need people like you to save the future of this world from the direction it’s stuck in right now. You all give me hope.

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites

What Feminism Means to Me :)

Once again, the president of the United States almost stopped me from posting today. Once again, I am not going to let him stop me!

Hello everyone, today I am going to be talking about what feminism means to me. Get ready to buckle your seatbelts because this is going to be a wild ride.

Feminism is something that is very important to me. Although I only learned about it properly a few years ago, the lessons it’s taught me have had a humongous impact on my life and the way I see the world. The literal definition of feminism is the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. Feminism does not mean women are better than men. This notion means so much to me as I’m a firm believer nobody should ever be discriminated against because of their gender (and you should be too!) To me, feminism means a better quality of life and more opportunities for everybody.

Feminism means fighting for a better world. To me, this is about never giving up in the face of defeat. Yes, we will lose battles along the way, but we’ll also make progress in the future – because we are the future! After all, so much has already changed since the movement began. It means celebrating our small victories whilst staying strong and fighting back when life tries to walk all over us. It means reaching out to help others when life tries to walk on them.

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Feminism needs to be intersectional in order to benefit all women. If you are more privileged than someone in terms of race, gender, sexuality, etc., this means listening to their experiences and actually acknowledging them. It means believing them, not being indifferent or accusing them of lying because we can’t relate to what’s been said. Ultimately, intersectional feminism means recognising the movement needs to help more than just white, cis, able-bodied, middle-class, heterosexual women (that was a mouthful!) It needs to help all women.

Feminism also means helping men. Although women suffer from the effects of the patriarchy to a greater extent (which is why I think using the term ‘feminism’ is important so we don’t lose sight of that), there are also ways the patriarchy harms males. For example, male abuse and rape victims are taken less seriously. Also, men are more likely to die from suicide than women. Many believe this is because society has taught men to completely suppress their emotions.

Feminism means recognising just because we are discussing women’s issues at one point in time, that doesn’t mean we don’t care about men’s issues as well. For example, if someone is having a specific conversation about female victims of abuse and rape, it means not dismissing that by telling them ‘well men get raped too.’ This is because in that space the conversation happens to be about female victims, therefore in another conversation it will be about male victims. Having said this, it’s vital these conversations about men do actually take place, because like I previously said, male abuse and rape victims are often taken less seriously. In short, feminism means making sure these conversations occur for all genders. Feminism does not mean fighting against existing conversations in order to start new ones. An alternative, more helpful response to ‘well men get raped too’ could be ‘I really care that men get raped too, so let’s start a conversation about that as well whilst the one about women continues.’ In my opinion, this is more useful mind-set.

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So there we have it – that is what feminism means to me! During times like these (a.k.a. the Trump era), I think it’s more important than ever to keep discussions about feminism going. Although all this negativity often brings me down, I am trying to make it encourage me to speak out more. If any of you have written posts speaking out about issues under threat, please link them to me in the comments. I will genuinely read all of them because I need people to give me hope right now, so please let me know your thoughts!


Twitter: https://twitter.com/ranterwrites